In the meantime, what you should be doing...

Use this time to fix whatever you are not happy about in your life, because it won't magically get better in marriage. In fact, it will get worse because you have now brought a “Single” problem into your “married” relationship. If you are a selfish, immature, insecure, sexually frustrated Single, you will still have these characteristics when you get married until you allow God to heal these areas. Sweeping them under the rug or thinking that they will disappear once you get married is delusional and could be detrimental to building a healthy partnership. You now have to focus on situations that could and should have been fixed in the Single stage of your life as a now married individual. You will end up draining the one you’re with attempting to seek a healing that can only be provided by God.

Build that personal resume; the list of what you will bring to the table. From a woman’s perspective, many times we are so quick to tell a person what we expect and what we are not going to do in a dating relationship that we fail to mention what we will do. What do we have to offer that will make this person want to make a concentrated effort in sharing in our life? If you can’t quickly and surely answer that question, that may be another task to accomplish in your Single life.

Naturally speaking, would you buy a car if the dealer’s only sales pitch was, “This car doesn’t go over 100 MPH, it doesn’t turn sharp corners very well, it requires you to change the oil and filter every other month, and requires you to change the brakes yearly with monthly scheduled maintenance. It is oversized so you will have to find special parking for it, and after 50,000 miles, what you see is what you get because the warranty expires.” I can pretty much guarantee that you would hesitate in buying it because nothing was explained in an attractive manner. Although all of the mentioned is true to the car, it’s not what you lead with if you want to make a sell. I believe to an extent, the same concept applies with relationships. If all the person is informed of is the work they are required to put in, and they are not presented with any of the perks of how you will add value to their life, or what distinguishes you from all the others; it may be a bit more difficult to get them to buy in. This should not be misconstrued to say that all of the “maintenance” shouldn’t be addressed, because you definitely don’t want to make my mistake of portraying the “perfect mate’ from Chapter 2. Discuss them, but don’t blow your own sale with the wrong pitch.

While you’re Single, use this time to beef up your resume. Finish school, start your business, pay off your debt and make your resume speak for itself. Become your best you. Figure out your sales pitch. God has His best companion orchestrated for you, but I don’t believe that He will ordain that appointment until you are working to be your best. You can’t expect to get a ten if you are slumming it around the fives.

Date yourself. The same energy that you would spend getting to know the ins and outs of a potential boo, use that time getting to know yourself. Find out your quirks, your fears, your hopes, your deal-breakers, and your annoying habits (no, you are not perfect); even what type of eggs you like in the morning. You'd be surprised how much stuff about you that you don't even know. May sound silly, but this encounter with self can be powerful—if  done right.

I spent time going to restaurants alone and ordering dinner. This may be a small feat for you, but for me it was a big one. I am always the last person to order at the table. I’m the one that always asks other people what I should eat, the one who ends up getting six suggestions from the wait staff, only to order something totally different. Doesn’t bother me, but I’ve seen some people get pretty annoyed by it. This is a task that I will be turning over to my husband freely. (Let’s just call it an added perk of being the head of the household.) I’ve also learned that although I love to visit other places, I don’t have a burning desire to live outside of Texas. I almost always overdress for an event. I can’t do cold weather well. I think matching is overrated and cats and lizards scare me. These are only a few of my quirks; you would be wise to figure out yours while you only have yours to worry about.

Marriage is not a be-all-end-all-cure-all to the issues that you face as a Single. Whatever issues you have now you will have them married, unless you take care of them beforehand. It’s one thing to be incomplete and miserable single, but it’s a whole ‘nother thing to be that and be going to bed with someone else every night.

. Fix whatever is lacking or needs improvement in your Single life so as to not bring it into your marriage.

I’ve spoken to married people that disclosed how they felt lonely in their marriage and I can only imagine the heartache this brings. I was never alone in my engagement per se, but I was desperately lonely. I now realize the value of respecting my time alone and the seriousness of co-habitation in marriage because we can’t say, “Go home please,” or “I would like to be alone now,” to our spouse without one person being uprooted from their own home. Your space is no longer your own, so being confined with a person that leaves you feeling lonely (or desperately making you wish you were alone) should spark another sober examination of your readiness for marriage.

One strategy of learning the art of being alone but not feeling lonely is to practice being by yourself. Turn the TV off, cut off your ringer, sign off from Facebook and Twitter and just be. Commit to not filling the silence with something, but to just rest in the peace of being with you. It’s easier said than done. The average person can only comfortably stand silence for a few seconds when in the presence of other people without trying to fill it in some way. I have lived alone for the past nine years and I have only recently begun to understand the magnitude of being content alone, and I still find it hard to just be and really do nothing. When I am alone, I am either reading a book, watching a movie, talking on the phone, cleaning the house, or doing something else. It is almost unnatural to just do nothing. Why is this? I believe partially because we seek companionship; we were created to be together.

Christ exemplifies this concept when He states that we are many members but one body[1] and the Bible even advises against being alone because there is no one to help us up when we fall[2]. Although He understands the desire and need for companionship, (because He created it) I don’t believe that He was saying to never be alone. Jesus would often steal away to be alone with our Father[3]. Desiring company or the pleasure of being with others is not to be seen as negative, but it can be a crutch if you don’t know how to be comfortable alone. At this point in your life, you have the choice to spend as much time alone as you desire and I encourage you to enjoy it fully—soak it all in. When we get married, your space will be shared with your mate and your family, so this will turn into one of those, “If I would have known then what I know now” moments. Time to be alone then may be a rare commodity.

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[1] Romans 12:5

[2] Ecclesiastes 4:10

[3] Luke 6:12, Mark 1:35, Luke 5:16

1 on 1 Time

There are many specific intentions for your Singleness, and these will be discovered as you turn over your desires and plans to God and allow Him to replace them with His desires for you. He will reveal His established plans to you as you spend time with Him. Ask God what does He intend specifically for you in this season and when He reveals it, have the courage to act.

There are some general intentions that I believe God has for all Singles in their Single season. This is by no means an exhaustive list, nor will each category highlight God’s specific plan for your time alone with Him. With discernment and prayer, God will reveal His specific plan for you, so be open to what He is speaking to your heart.

Why am I still Single? If you are anything like me and the millions of other Singles out there, you have asked yourself this question and even screamed it at God numerous times. And like me, you may have often been met with a deafening silence. God has now changed my viewpoint on what I perceived as silence, and opened my heart to understanding Singleness the way He designed it. God views Singleness as a time of undivided devotion unto the Lord; a time that the Lover of your soul can romance and woo you. This is a time that the Redeemer of our souls pursues and overtakes us with a love so pure and so sweet it cannot be compared with anything else, because we will never experience anything else like it. Who wouldn’t want to prolong that?

This is a time that God has set apart for you to work wholeheartedly for His kingdom without the distractions of earthly responsibilities like a mate and family. Once you have allowed your heart to be saturated with this kind of love, I believe your mindset will no longer be, “I ‘have’ to get through this season”, but rather, “I ‘get’ to experience this season!” You will truly learn to enjoy it. If marriage is in His will, there may be a significant adjustment period in learning to put all the distractions away to get some time alone with Him like this again. So take full advantage of this time as it was intended and get drenched in His love.

Another purpose for Singleness is to focus on defining yourself. Many times when we talk about getting ourselves together before marriage, we focus on finances, credit scores and other material things. While I do believe that these things are important I believe if we focus on getting our internal right, then the external will begin to line up. A good name is more desirable than great riches[1]. When we allow God to line up our character with what He has already defined for us, then the natural will line up with the spiritual.

The Lord’s Prayer says, “Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven.” I’m just now fully grasping what this verse means in my Single life. His will for me has already been predestined and orchestrated in Heaven, so when I pray this prayer I am commanding my natural man to line up with what my spiritual man already is.

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[1] Proverbs 22:1

Apples on a Tree (excerpt from NOT Another Singles Book)

~Still on the Tree~

So, what do you do when you feel like you have been waiting, and nothing has happened? You've prayed, been prayed over, sprinkled oil, binded the devil off your spouse, sowed seeds, but yet nothing. In fact, it seems like everyone is getting chosen but you. You may be asking yourself, “How did I get here? Has God forgotten me? What is wrong with me?”

This is a dangerous cycle to get caught in. You will soon get sucked into the green-eyed monster and start comparing yourself to those very people that you call friends. Rest assured, because the devil loves mess and messy people, when you do this, he will always make the scales tip in your favor in the “marriage-material” category. You will begin to believe that you are more worthy to be married than the other person. Remember Paul warned against this type of boasting in 2 Corinthians 11. When we start to focus on our accomplishments, and how good or “holy” we are, the enemy has succeeded in convincing us to count on our resources rather than our Source.

This is a trick that is literally as old as time and it is still working. Remember the enemy is not always looking to take you out, especially if you are saved because even he understands to be absent in the body is to be present with the Lord[1]. You are more useful to him if you are ineffective. You become one of his prized possessions when you can cause someone else to stumble. Comparisons are a dangerous game to play because spiritually, you are telling God that you don’t approve of His plan for your life and that you would rather have someone else’s.

So here you are still on the tree, always being passed up while the apples that are on the ground or on the lower branches are being picked so easily; seemingly like they aren’t even trying. Now doubt is setting in. As a woman you start to wonder, “Am I not pretty enough? Is there something wrong with me? Do I not have the right body type or skin tone?” As a man, you may start to believe, “I’m not accomplished enough. I don’t have the right education. I’m too nice. I mean, no one really wants a coming-up brother anymore, huh?” Change your perspective; you are approaching this all wrong.

I have heard a popular saying that states “Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. Some men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt (or even worse, having to put out actual effort to get you). Instead, they pick the ones on the ground, which are easier. The apples at the top may begin to think there is something wrong with them. But no, you’re amazing! You just have to wait for the right man that realizes you’re worth the climb” (and will ask God for the ladder).

I believe that the truth is not that the apples which have gotten picked are better than you (or less than you for that matter). It’s simply that God saw fit that it was their time. The reason they were picked may be because God knew that the one meant to pick them was on the way. They may have been in the same position you are in: at the top of the tree, seemingly forgotten, asking the same questions you are asking, questioning their value. I encourage you to keep waiting. Whether God supplies a ladder or bends the branches, you will be just in the reach of the one God has chosen when he comes.

Maybe you are still on the tree because you aren’t quite ripe yet. Stay there for a while. Mature on the Vine as you grow stronger[2]. When it’s your time, there is no way that you will get passed over. Remember the view is better from the top. Use it to your advantage to weed out those who aren’t strong enough to make it to the top to get you.

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[1] 2 Corinthians 5:8

[2] John 15:4-5

Dance with my Father (abbreviated version)

Man or woman, no matter how much we may try to downplay or minimize the role, we all need to feel the love of a father. This is not meant to slight the love of a mother because her love is incomparable, but I believe that the father’s role in our lives may in some ways have a more direct impact on how we grow up to have other relationships.

A father is the first person that chooses you in your life. There is never a doubt of the maternity of a baby because a mother physically carries it—it can’t be denied because she gave birth. But the father has the unique choice to acknowledge that the child is his, verbally and by action, before a test is given. I believe this is what gives the dynamics of the relationship with the father a different perspective. Whether you have ever thought of it this way or not, if your father is in your life, was in your life, or has ever acknowledged you without proof, then this is the first earthly example you have of a man choosing you because he wanted you, not because he couldn’t deny you.

This is vital in the foundation of how you view relationships, whether you are male or female. As a female, a standard (even if you are unaware) has been set for the way you will relate with men and how they should treat you. As a male, it plants the seed of responsibility and leadership in your female relationships. Because you chose her, you love and accept her out of free will, not obligation. This is a direct example of God’s role as a Father. He chooses to acknowledge us as His children and He loved us before He saw the proof that we would come to be His. In Romans 5:8, the Word states that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. This is His public acknowledgement that He has chosen to be our Father, not out of obligation, but simply because He loves us. What a powerful example of relationships.

So what happens if you didn’t have an earthly father to choose you? I believe it manifests in different ways in different people, but I wholeheartedly believe that it will manifest somehow. In a man, maybe it rises up when they find it a bit easier to deny their own child or how they negatively treat the women in their lives. On the other hand, they may choose to use it as an example of what not to do. He may become the protector of his mother, treating every woman the way she should be treated because he refuses to be like his father. For a woman, it may subconsciously affect her trust in men or cause her to be bitter towards men without realizing the cause. She may seek to find the acknowledgement and acceptance she never received from her father, in any man she can find to fill the void.

I was the latter.

The realization of the effects of my father’s rejection were probably first recognized at church one Sunday. My cousin was preaching a sermon about his daughter and his experience with meeting her prom date for the first time. He stated that he wanted to “lay hands, um excuse me, eyes” on the young man that would be taking out his baby girl. He needed to look him in the eyes and let him know he would need to climb many a mountain and swim some pretty deep seas to even get close to making the kind of impact in his daughter’s life that he had. This young man needed to know, and hear firsthand that this was his daughter and that he was the leading man in her life. This is a role my cousin (her father) had earned, and not one he was willing to give up very easily. The man had to prove himself worthy enough to even apply, much less be considered for a starting position.

As I listened to him, I began to tear up. It spoke to a void that I never knew I had. I never had a man that made sure any other man who sought my affections was worthy of my attention. My father rejected me at fifteen (I will discuss this a bit in detail in a later chapter) and so because I had no consistent male to take that place, I began to allow anyone to apply. I didn’t know there should be a standard. I didn’t know that I shouldn’t and didn’t have to waste time kissing all these frogs, because one day my prince would come. How can someone learn unless there is someone willing to teach? I have a host of older cousins and uncles who could’ve stepped in if necessary, but I didn’t know what I needed so I never asked.

The love and affection I should have gotten from my daddy, I desperately sought in men. And when they couldn’t live up to that role or fulfill the hole I had, I would move on to the next one. I didn’t understand why they couldn’t be what I needed them to be, so once I drained them (as we talked about in Chapter 2), I would move on to my next victim, I mean relationship.

Up until recently I would tell people that I never had a father in my life. But that’s a lie. I did have a father until about the age of 15. He wasn’t much in the way that I now know what fatherhood is, but he was mine. Because I was his only daughter, I thought that made me special, and for a while I believed without a doubt that I was. So the devastation was all the more real when the one man that was supposed to love and cherish and protect me, the only man that couldn’t have a hidden agenda in loving me because his own blood ran through my veins, told me he didn’t want me anymore.

This pain was too much for a teenager to bear, so I suppressed it. Being a certified counselor as an occupation, I now know that the human brain can bury hurt, pain, and even entire events in an attempt to protect itself. So that’s what I did. I began to believe the lie I told myself for so long: I never had a father. His death forced me to face the truth. This realization allows me to feel empathy for the women who believe having a piece of a man, or even sharing one, is better than not having one at all. If you would have asked me in those crucial years of discovering who I was, would I have preferred my daddy to have been there even half-heartedly, I wouldn’t have hesitated to tell you ‘yes’.

If you have been in this situation, or you are still in this situation...there is healing available...

Excerpt from ©NOT Another Singles Book by La Vonia R. Tryon

Available on Smashwords.com

Paperback release early 2012

Proverbs 18:22: Should you be looking, and what will you find?

Many times, we misquote scripture for our own benefits, and to fit it into our lifestyles or our ways of thinking, instead of allowing the scripture to take our filthy lives and make it useful and glorious to be presented before the Father. Other times, we simply misquote scripture because we never really learned it, but we just got it ‘passed down,’ For example- there were not just 2 of every animal on Noah’s Ark, but 2 of the unclean, AND 7 of the clean pairs. (Genesis 7:2-3-read it, It’s true!) And yet, even more often we take from the meaning our own judgments and translations, and then take it out of the context and content that it was used. For this passage, we will deal with the latter one. I also misquoted this scripture out of ignorance, but in my quiet time I decided to get understanding….hopefully this will bless you, like it blessed me.

Proverbs 18:22 He who finds a wife finds a good thing and inherits the favor of the Lord.

Now everyone knows this scripture, but have you ever researched it? We have been taught that this clarifies that THE MAN is supposed to FIND the WIFE, and we use it to justify why a woman should not be looking for a man. Now on the superficial, this is one interpretation of the scripture, but it goes so much deeper than just this. Let’s take it word for word:

HE: On first thought, this is thought to mean just a man…But looking deeper this is the same HE that is used to describe Adam, Joseph and David. This HE is not just a male, but this is a male that has the mental capabilities of love, one that is set financially, emotionally, mentally, and physically to provide for a wife. The mental capacity to love comes from many sources; spirituality, maturity, respect, etc. It DOES NOT come from emotion. If love is based on emotion it is based on the maturity level of a teenager and most likely will falter in time, when the emotions subside. The Hebrew here refers specifically to men who have reached the mental capacity to love a woman with agape love- as God intended. This is a HE that is prepared for the responsibility of a wife and a family. The man who separates himself and seeks wisdom. HE must be ready for the serious and great task of loving a woman as Christ loves the Church, respecting her and honoring her as the weaker partner. (1 Peter 3:7) This HE is one who is serving the Lord in full capacity NOW as a single male. From this interpretation, many males don’t fit the characteristics of the HE, so therefore should not be looking.

That FINDS: Now this word is interesting because it does not take from the definition of the act of physically searching for something. Even Webster has the right definition: to discover or perceive after consideration; to come upon by chance; to become aware of, or discover (oneself), as being in a condition or location. WOW!! This means that If you are in the Path-Way, seeking the Lord, then you may happen to come upon, or discover your wife or husband to be, while in the Path-Way. Joseph was given his wife. Adam and David likewise did nothing to deserve their wives. You are directly in the focus of pursuing God and on the path that he has set, and when you are in the right location and condition, you may happen upon that appointed person.

A WIFE: Now this is not just referring to just a female. But this is referring to a woman that is worthy to be called by such a honorable name. A wife is esteemed, so therefore this label will not apply to all women. This wife is a jewel of great value, a rare jewel; he has found that one which will not only contribute more than anything to his comfort in this life, but will forward him in the way to heaven. This means if you are not praying and serving God now, single- you probably won’t start magically when you get married. It also refers to taking care of the responsibilities of the household and fulfilling your wifely roles-cooking, cleaning, caring for the family,e tc. (For those of you that are all for the Women’s Movement, Liberations, Equal Responsibilities and Roles-It may work (and should) in the Office World, but has no relevance or authority over God’s Word. WE STILL HAVE ROLES (Proverbs 31:10-31, Titus 2:4-5, Ephesians 5:22.I Peter 3:1-6) I didn’t write it, I’m just quoting it! This definition also has to do with THE MAN’s capacity to love that particular woman! “A good wife” is a woman the man recognizes as one whom he has the mental capacity to love. That is to say, a woman whom, through the ultimate source of the man’s soul, he would protect at all cost. I’m not just talking about protecting from physical harm. I’m talking about protection from defamation. That’s heavy.

Finds a GOOD THING: Now just because you are a female, and you get married, doesn’t mean that you will be a ‘good thing.’ In order to meet these qualifications you have to first meet the criteria of a WIFE. That means you also have to have your stuff together, and not just sitting around waiting on your life to start when your ‘Boaz’ shows up. To be FOUND, you have to be traveling in the same direction that HE was traveling-a path directed and ordained for God’s glory. Proverbs 31:12 She brings him GOOD all the days of his life. So are you living as a good thing right now? The Hebrew goes on to infer that the only way a man can, through the ultimate source of his soul, give his mental capacity of love to a woman, is if he recognizes in her, the ability to respond to his love. Women are designed by God to be the responders to a man’s love. So, “a good wife” is a woman who is capable of receiving from the ultimate source of a man’s soul, his mental attitude of love, and responding in kind.

And inherits the FAVOUR of the Lord: This is one of those ‘if,then’ clauses. IF, all the criteria are met before the ‘comma’, then you will receive the blessings after it. Favour - Obtains her not by his own diligence, but by God's good providence. Meaning that you can’t sway God’s hand or speed up his timing, but when and if He so sees fit, he will bestow it upon you.

I pray that you received this as a Word and use it to change your mindset and focus, if you (as I did) misinterpretated this scripture, or confirmation if this has already been revealed to you.
I love you, but HE LOVES YOU MORE!

References: The Hebrew Bible, Pastor Monty Rainey, 1voicecrying.wordpress.com/.../proverbs-1822-finding-a-wife/, HOLY SPIRIT

Irreplaceable, you're not...

Recently, in my quiet time I was reminded of this song and the complete relevance of it to our call as a Christian. Have you ever had those moments that God was telling you to do something, and you knew it was God, because it was absolutely impossible to do it on your own, and it was in line with His character to ask this of you, and you were like, “Shoot!!! Ummmm, awwww, do you really mean me? I mean, do you mean like do it or DO IT?’ I mean I’m just saying, fa real God?” Trying to bargain with God to get out of our assignment, because it doesn’t fit in what we think is our comfort zone. I will admit that I have! To quote one of my favorite movies: AS IF!!! There is no way that my mediocre mind or thoughts could ever imagine what God has in store for me. By even trying, I’m limiting Him in the amazing blessings that He has in store for me, on the other side of the Mountain.
So, back to the devotional: This song correlates with this situation very closely. In the song, Beyonce is fed-up. She’s tired of him coming and going as he pleases, and having no respect for everything she has done for me. It’s time for her to move on, without him, and she is confident he will miss her, before she misses him. I think you can use your spiritual eyes to see where I’m taking this. Let’s dissect the song according to scripture:

TO THE LEFT:
Genesis 13:9 Is not the whole land before you? Let’s part company. If you go to the left, I will go to the right- if you go to the right, I will go to the left.

Background: Abraham and Lot’s people were arguing about territory so Abraham decided that it was best that they part ways. He gave Lot his choice- surprisingly (or is it) Lot chose the area of Sodom and Gomorrah. And we all know what happened there.

IN THE CLOSET THAT’S MY STUFF-
Psalm 50: 9-11 I have no need of a bull from your stall or of goats from your pens, for every animal of the forest is mine, and the cattle on a thousand hills. I know every bird in the mountains, and the creatures of the field are mine.

1 Corinthians 10:26, Psalm 24:1 The earth is the Lord’s and the fullness thereof…

Basically, everything is his! Everything was created by Him, through Him and for His use.

IF I BOUGHT IT PLEASE DON’T TOUCH:
1 Corinthians 6:19-20 Do you not know…you are not your own, you were bought at a price.

1 Chronicles 16:22, Psalm 105:15 Touch not my anointed and do my prophet no harm

Genesis 3:3 but God did say, 'You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.' "

God is very specific about what is his! He makes no apologies for killing those that touched the Ark of the Covenant, or didn’t give an idle threat to Adam and Eve about not touching the Tree of Life. God gives us instructions, and because He is a gentleman, we are not consequenced without first being advised or warned of what will happen. The same goes with his people: If we are called and chosen by Him to bear His name, we are under that same covering- Paul being bit by the snake and unharmed, Pharaoh and the plaques and Israelites’ journey from Egypt, and the judgment that is to come for those that persecute and don’t believe in the Christ.

AND KEEP TALKING THAT MESS THAT’S FINE-
The whole book of Jonah for this one…I could picture Jonah whining and complaining about not wanting to go. Read Jonah 2: Our situations will allow us the time to look up and realize that we got ourselves into this, but only by repenting, submitting and calling on the Lord, can we get out of it.

1 Samuel 17:8 Goliath stood and shouted to the ranks of Israel, "Why do you come out and line up for battle? Am I not a Philistine, and are you not the servants of Saul? Choose a man and have him come down to me.

Now we know what happened to both people in these situations…read on if your skeptical

BUT COULD YOU WALK AND TALK AT THE SAME TIME:
Jonah 3:1-3 Then the word of the LORD came to Jonah a second time: "Go to the great city of Nineveh and proclaim to it the message I give you." Jonah obeyed the word of the LORD and went to Nineveh.

1Samuel 17:50 So David triumphed over the Philistine with a sling and a stone; without a sword in his hand he struck down the Philistine and killed him.

My past pastor (Pastor Rodgers-Hope Community Shoutout) used to say that when he was talking to his son and he told him to do something; he didn’t worry about anything that came out of his mouth as long as his feet were moving. Interpreting this: it doesn’t really matter how much we complain or gripe or whine about an assignment- we still have to carry it out. If it is ordained, we will go through it! God is not a man that He can lie, nor the son of man that He should repent. Job questioned-but he still went through- Jesus even in his flesh form asked for the cup to pass-but He was still obedient to his calling.

STANDING IN THE FRONT YARD:
Genesis 3:23 So the LORD God banished him from the Garden of Eden to work the ground from which he had been taken.

Now, no amount of pleading and begging could get Adam or Pookie (in Beyonce’s video) back in the house once he was put out. Now although for us the story doesn’t end there and we have been redeemed by the blood of the Lamb-the Second Adam-it was still nothing we could do in and of ourselves to get back tight with God.

HOW I’LL NEVER EVER FIND A MAN LIKE YOU, YOU GOT ME TWISTED…I CAN HAVE ANOTHER YOU IN A MINUTE…DON’T YOU EVER FOR A SECOND GET TO THINKIN YOU’RE IRREPLACEABLE:

1Samuel 16:1 The LORD said to Samuel, "How long will you mourn for Saul, since I have rejected him as king over Israel? Fill your horn with oil and be on your way; I am sending you to Jesse of Bethlehem. I have chosen one of his sons to be king."

Joshua 1-3 After the death of Moses the servant of the LORD, the LORD said to Joshua son of Nun, Moses' aide: "Moses my servant is dead. Now then, you and all these people, get ready to cross the Jordan River into the land I am about to give to them—to the Israelites. I will give you every place where you set your foot, as I promised Moses.

GOD DOESN’T NEED YOU OR ME!!! I’LL SAY IT AGAIN! GOD DOESN’T NEED US!!

Now He loves us so much that He bought us back, but yet and still, He will not hesitate to dismiss you-if you refuse to be used for His glory and purpose. Saul was anointed as king but let his lust and disobedience mess things up and he was rejected and replaced in the same sentence. Moses had a similar fate! Although he brought them out of Israel TOWARDS the promise land, he never got to see it, because of his disobedience. Now all that Moses had done for the Lord, and all he gets is ‘Moses my servant is dead, Now then…’ DAWG! I mean, he didn’t get a tear, no mourning, a funeral precession or nothing! I’m just saying…don’t you think he deserved a bit more? Obviously not! Now this is not meant to say that God wasn’t pleased with Moses and had written him out of the Will (in fact, quite the contrary because he got to see the promise land (Mark 9:4 And there appeared before them Elijah and Moses, who were talking with Jesus.- and if you research it this mountain was in the same territory of the Promised Land from Exodus), but it simply states that God’s work is more important than anything else! It takes precedence over everything!
God’s purpose will be accomplished and if you aren’t willing to do it, then there is a David or Joshua that is waiting on the bench to be put in the game. So to end with the beginning-don’t you ever think for a second you’re irreplaceable? Will you give it your all while you’re still in the game, of give your spot up to someone that is just waiting to take your place, and walk into your promise land?

Talk to her

I was recently in a situation that I felt invisible. I wasn’t heard. I believe that the man SHOULD be the head, but I believe that it is something that many don’t know how to be, so they resort to leading with a strong arm, instead of an open heart. It doesn’t take much to win a woman’s heart, but once you lose it, it’s almost impossible to get it back. So, here are some small things, that mean the world to us. For each woman it may be different, but I believe that we all can relate to at least a few things on the list. And fellas, if you are not doing these, you might want to consider adding a few... Ladies, feel free to add to the list...

talk to her like you want someone to talk to your mama, (thanks India

have heart2hearts,

don't talk AT her-talk TO her,

make her a priority

tell her she’s beautiful- especially when she is not feeling it.

smile at her even when your upset

hold her as she cries, even if you don’t know why. We don’t need you to fix it, we just need you to be there.

allow her to make her own mistakes-and not pay for someone's elses. Remember, you’re not perfect either

don't be quick to give up on her, fight for her-not with her.

don't hold her to a standard that you can't even uphold.

be the head-but not the dictator.

make decisions not bc you can, but after consideration of how it will affect her, and BEFORE you make it.

Always open her door-even if she gets there first

When she says ‘it’s ok’- know that it’s probably anything but ok.

consider her above yourself.

discuss your fears, but listen to her concerns.

Pray FOR her & WITH her. Lead her to the throne.

Be the spiritual leader, but don’t be too spiritual to learn from her wisdom

Listen to her whine, and don’t try to fix it, just listen

Turn off the game every once and a while, just to talk to her

Grab her hand, and hold her heart

Trust her with yours

don't hear but listen. Realize that understanding doesn’t mean agreeing.

Hear with your heart and not just your head.

honor her, respect her, cherish her, and when you truly love her don't let her go.

Do this-and we will follow you to the ends of eternity...