Date yourself. May sound silly, but this encounter with self can be powerful—if done right.
I spent time going to restaurants alone and ordering dinner. This may be a small feat for you, but for me it was a big one. I am always the last person to order at the table. I’m the one that always asks other people what I should eat, the one who ends up getting six suggestions from the wait staff, only to order something totally different. Doesn’t bother me, but I’ve seen some people get pretty annoyed by it. This is a task that I will be turning over to my husband freely. (Let’s just call it an added perk of being the head of the household.) I’ve also learned that although I love to visit other places, I don’t have a burning desire to live outside of Texas. I almost always overdress for an event. I can’t do cold weather well. I think matching is overrated and cats and lizards scare me. These are only a few of my quirks; you would be wise to figure out yours while you only have yours to worry about.
Marriage is not a be-all-end-all-cure-all to the issues that you face as a Single. Whatever issues you have now you will have them married, unless you take care of them beforehand. It’s one thing to be incomplete and miserable single, but it’s a whole ‘nother thing to be that and be going to bed with someone else every night.
. Fix whatever is lacking or needs improvement in your Single life so as to not bring it into your marriage.
I’ve spoken to married people that disclosed how they felt lonely in their marriage and I can only imagine the heartache this brings. I was never alone in my engagement per se, but I was desperately lonely. I now realize the value of respecting my time alone and the seriousness of co-habitation in marriage because we can’t say, “Go home please,” or “I would like to be alone now,” to our spouse without one person being uprooted from their own home. Your space is no longer your own, so being confined with a person that leaves you feeling lonely (or desperately making you wish you were alone) should spark another sober examination of your readiness for marriage.
One strategy of learning the art of being alone but not feeling lonely is to practice being by yourself. Turn the TV off, cut off your ringer, sign off from Facebook and Twitter and just be. Commit to not filling the silence with something, but to just rest in the peace of being with you. It’s easier said than done. The average person can only comfortably stand silence for a few seconds when in the presence of other people without trying to fill it in some way. I have lived alone for the past nine years and I have only recently begun to understand the magnitude of being content alone, and I still find it hard to just be and really do nothing. When I am alone, I am either reading a book, watching a movie, talking on the phone, cleaning the house, or doing something else. It is almost unnatural to just do nothing. Why is this? I believe partially because we seek companionship; we were created to be together.
Christ exemplifies this concept when He states that we are many members but one body[1] and the Bible even advises against being alone because there is no one to help us up when we fall[2]. Although He understands the desire and need for companionship, (because He created it) I don’t believe that He was saying to never be alone. Jesus would often steal away to be alone with our Father[3]. Desiring company or the pleasure of being with others is not to be seen as negative, but it can be a crutch if you don’t know how to be comfortable alone. At this point in your life, you have the choice to spend as much time alone as you desire and I encourage you to enjoy it fully—soak it all in. When we get married, your space will be shared with your mate and your family, so this will turn into one of those, “If I would have known then what I know now” moments. Time to be alone then may be a rare commodity.
