Keeping Marriage in the Proper Perspective-excerpt from NOT Another Singles Book

Marriage has to stay in its proper perspective. You become a defeated Christian single when you spend so much time being preoccupied with getting married, that you become ineffective in your Singleness. Don’t get so caught up in the bondage of married-mindedness that you miss the freedom of Singleness. There is a freedom that comes from having only to think on the things of the Lord right now. We lose that when we start dwelling on, “When I get married, I will…” or “My husband and I will…” News Flash! While you are busy planning your future, you are failing to live in your present! You are telling God this stage you are in isn’t worthy enough for you to actualize or develop in, so you will just bury it and wait on Him to return to get you out of it. This same viewpoint comes from only knowing of the Master and His plan, instead of spending the time really getting to know Him. I caution you to remember what happened to the unwise servant with this same viewpoint.

We have to use our Single season to learn how to fit our lives around our time with God, not fitting God around our lives. In the first scenario, our agenda and plans are on the throne of our heart; in the latter Christ is. Singleness is a time to anchor, deadbolt, and superglue Christ to the top priority in our life because if He is not on the throne as a Single, He will not magically jump on it when we get married.  The purpose of our Singleness is to be used for God’s glory. If He is not getting glory from our Single life, how can we imagine Him getting it from our married life? Jeremiah 29:11 says God knows the plans He has for us, of good and not of evil, to give us a hope and an expected end. So our Singleness is in His plan just as our marriage will be. If marriage is the “expected end” to this stage of our life, why not enjoy the journey getting there?

It’s been stated that a Single person once said, “I hope Jesus doesn't come back before I get married.” Although maybe spoken in jest, it’s sad because many of us agree with this. We can't allow earthly pleasures to take precedence over an eternal perspective. That you would even consider prolonging being in this world, in exchange for your heavenly home, shows signs of a deeper issue. Anything more important than being with your Heavenly King has become an idol—even marriage.

Once marriage becomes an idol the enemy has succeeded in distracting us, and a distracted Christian is an ineffective Christian. If you focus so much on the one tree that you can’t have, Eve, you will forget about every other tree that is at your disposal. I believe this is how she was lured away, by her own lust for what was forbidden. Satan convinced her that the only thing that she didn’t have was the one thing she couldn’t live without. He is still using the same trick on us today. Why? Because it is still working. He doesn’t have to change his M.O. because we are still falling for it. If he can get us to doubt God’s love and provision by making us feel like He is withholding something good, then he can get us to doubt everything else our faith has already proven.

Satan’s goal is not only to kill you. He understands the concept to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord, so to kill you would only push you into the arms of your Creator. That wouldn’t benefit him at all and you are much more valuable to him being ineffective. An ineffective Christian is one that will get to Heaven, but won’t bring anyone else with him. It is one who is not growing in God, not performing His will, and not working for the Kingdom. Now this Christian—Satan can use. You are more valuable to him than a legion of his demons at this point.

 Because no one will expect you to be used by him, he can slip you in under the radar and infiltrate places that his demons would be recognized. Because you are so depressed in your Single state, you miss out on the wonderful blessings of this season and end up pulling down everyone connected to you. Don’t be the devil’s punk. Fight for your contentment and remember who you are and Whose you are.